Fear Of Judgment And Loss

Joya 0:14

I've been a closeted channeler for many, many years now. And mostly because I've always had this deep fear of being judged. I mean, a really deep fear of being judged, but nothing helped me walk through and get over that fear so much as my son's exit from his body. And when he began to come through to me within 24 hours, it took me a long time. It took me a good three months or so to really trust that the messages I was receiving were from him, despite the fact that I had been a lifelong channeler. And it's hard to call yourself a channel when you just are it. And I'm sharing this with you because this might resonate, and this might be true for you as well. That when you are that thing, and it's such a natural part of your beingness to be intuitively guided and connected and to feel those little nudges or hear those little whispers of guidance where you just know that it's not coming from your everyday, normal, lived frequency of consciousness.

Journaling Into The Magdalene Prayer

Joya 1:30

And so when I took to my journals after Weston passed, I did nothing but write, right, write, right, write, write, write. And I was so opened, so open. And so I want to read you something I wrote, a conversation that I had between me and the Magdalene frequency, which is a consciousness I've been channeling for a very long time. And so I want to share this message that came through that I wrote because it's so beautiful, and I think it will definitely resonate with you. So I wrote, Dearest creator, lead me from the unreal to the real, lead me from darkness into light, lead me from death to immortality. Om peace, peace, peace. This beautiful prayer is from Sanskrit and it's called the Pavamana Mantra. And I wrote it down because I loved it. And then this is what I wrote.

The Ego As A Wild Horse

Joya 2:33

Before I can become the channel to open and meet and write the book, my ego has got to get out of the way. I am facing the wrath of Mary, the fear of death, is the love of the body. When I face it with love, the kicking noise of my ego and stay with loving awareness. I stay with my grief, and I refuse to abandon my own heart, making this then what is sacred. Beloved one, the sacred is wherever you are, and you meet it with your heart, with love, with acceptance, with grace. You release the fear and the clenched fist. There is a deep fear in you because you do not trust yourself. You do not trust your own experiences that come from within you, which is why you want to talk about everything. You're seeking validation. It does not come from a heart of sharing to help the other to see, but asking, Do you see what I see? Am I right? Do you approve of me? Darling, you must trust your own experiences of the mysterious. Doubt is the door the devil enters most because doubt seeks the external, and there is plenty of masks the devil can wear to distract you from ever facing your doubt. What is doubt? The ego questioning experiences that it did not create. The ego only exists through your grasping and your resisting, wanting and not wanting. It is never satisfied. And when your awareness turns toward what the ego doesn't want to experience, death, contact with the mysteries of grief, it thrashes about to keep you on edge. How do you tame a wild horse? Not by force. That will only make it more violent. You tame it through love, through patience, kindness, compassion. And my love, your ego is no different. It is an addicted wild horse forced into a pen, the pen of grief, a pen there is no way out of. And when the horse is calm, when the horse has been trained in this new arena, then and only then can it be free to be ridden, not to run free on its own, but to be ridden, to be of service to your heart and to your soul, to have its wild free majesty, never tamed, but loved into serving the soul. For then you shall find the power, the peace, and the purpose you know is beyond the pen. But nothing is beyond the pen for the ego that thrashes about and then resists itself in the process. The more spacious awareness you can bring to the feeling of not wanting, the feeling of not wanting grief, of not wanting Weston to be gone from this earth, the more free you shall become. You cannot do the work until your mind is a clear lake, a calm sea. Befriending the ego is the key, not hating it, but loving it, teaching it that life is more joyful in service of the sacred. That's how life actually feels and becomes sacred is when the ego is in check and in service of its creator, not in fear that it is not the creator. There can be a loving and positive ego that extends from the heart of love rather than the mind of fear. This is so beautiful, thank you. My heart feels so calm now. Holy Mother, source of all truth, as I am learning to trust myself as a channel, please let me know that this is from you. Let it deepen my peace, strengthen my courage, and widen my love. I trust what bears the fragrance of you. And so it is. It

Redeeming Ego Through Loving Surrender

Joya 9:09

has to be something that it cannot finagle its way out of. And then it can be loved. Only something greater than the ego's strategies could ever corner the ego into stillness. Not to destroy the ego. We need the ego while we're in a body, but to redeem it, to sanctify it, to invite it into a life it could never have imagined on its own, a life of radiant service, of love, and of holy embodiment, the crown of the witnessing heart. Can I love my own ego so much that it just surrenders in partnership and cooperation to sacred truth? Do I have to discipline it into submission versus loving it into surrender? I lead with love, I guide with patience, I walk in trust. My wildness is safe within my soul.

Weston On Trust Grace And One Mind

Joya 10:12

And then Weston dropped in and he said, Mom, you are now shifting your mindset to love. Home is where feelings live. Do you mean home in your soul? I asked. So in this horse story, Weston says, Trust is broken. So in my story of separation, the still the soul still sees, but the ego, the wild horse, is disconnected. Yes, and you can't force trust. How is trust established? I asked. Grace. I could see how the soul sees what a mess and the pain it's caused to self and others. The wild horse caused it when it ran away because the horse then judges it judges itself. It feels shame after it's seen or knows it's been seen all along through the eyes of God. Thank you for this beautiful metaphor. It did something inside of me. It tames the wild horse, mom. Whoa. I could feel it. Heart-brain coherence is ego and soul coherence. Yes, mom, it's the whole point of the game. I woke up under the kindness of an angel. I decided we should tell this story together. Did you drop this into my consciousness this morning? I asked him. Yes. You're guided. Be a willing servant of God. I feel you differently now, I said. Because my soul has joined together with yours. Do you mean like one soul? Or are you still a you? I asked. Yes, I'm still me, and I am you. I have a hard time grasping this. Mom, it's all one mind. So I think I can get it. Like you can experience yourself as a leaf because it's a point of consciousness in the field, and you are a point of awareness in that field, I asked. Yes, we are one mind. So just inside this physical container, we experience ourselves as two, as other, as separate. Yes, this is a game of separation. And the soul is playing the game, trying to redeem itself. Life is a redemption game. What are we trying to redeem here? I asked. Love between souls. There is no separation. And that starts by uniting the soul within ourselves, with our ego, with our body. Why? I asked. To stop hurting each other. Why does it matter? I asked. So you can advance in your soul's growth. Can a soul get stuck? I asked. Yes. Disembodied and stuck. Can the soul get free and how? Yes. When they decide to look through the eyes of God. So they're still creating separation. Yes. I think that must be hell. Yes, it is. Because they feel that they are all alone. And that's the end of that journal entry.

Forgiveness Curiosity And Grief Awareness

Joya 13:45

It is so powerful. And when I mention the wrath of Mary Magdalene, what I was talking about is in the book of Mary Magdalene, she lists the seven wraths of the soul or the seven layers that the soul goes through. Must that the soul most ever come. And they're really like the seven ways we tame that wild horse within us. And when you have something really traumatic happen that pins you, because I remember this feeling as I'm reading this, it felt like this helpless feeling that was causing this rage almost, or this energy of wanting to escape it, desperately wanting to escape it. And of course, there's no way to escape it, because there's no way to undo death. Except there is no such thing as death. So, in a way, I am undoing death by sharing these conversations and by knowing that these conversations are real. And as I receive these messages, it's not just the messages I receive, it's also the felt sense, the visuals. It's like I'm there experiencing it. After I received that message, I think just this year, and I cannot, for the life of me, remember the book I read it in because my memory is just not what it used to be since losing Weston. But I read somewhere about Mary Magdalene comparing the ego to a wild horse, and it freaking blew my mind because it was the same message I received. And so when you have those kinds of things happen, it's a confirmation. It's a complete confirmation from the divine. I know that there's a vast invisible realm that we just don't have access to seeing. And I'm aware that we only see like one percent. And of that one percent of reality I'm experiencing. I'm aware that the function of my brain is to look for what is relevant to the story of me and delete everything it doesn't think belongs there. And so even before Weston passed, I would always play this game with myself of what am I noticing? And then I would expand it. What else can I notice that I didn't notice a minute ago? What else can I notice? Inviting in curiosity instead of judgment or thinking you already know. Because I know if there's one thing I know from trusting these downloads and channeled messages that I receive as a natural ability of my physical incarnation, it's that I don't really know anything. I don't know anything. But I do believe the messages from my son, the messages from the Magdalene consciousness, the messages I receive when I'm meditating, the messages I receive about God. It's all about love without exception. The messages I receive are consistently about love, loving yourself, loving other people, and to truly be in love is to offer forgiveness. And I know that because I have been forgiven, forgiveness is everybody's birthright. And when we are forgiven, we take a step closer to taming that wild horse. Because as it's said in here, the wild horse experiences the shame, it knows what it did and it wants to run and hide, or or even put up a bigger defense. It's really fascinating when you can see what the ego does. And going through grief when you go through something like this, it can bring you into that point of such clear awareness of the BS that's been running that you've been unaware of. And it's such a gift to be able to see it. I realized immediately, one of the first things I realized and have walked through is how much I would lie about stupid things, the stupidest things that my in my inclination would be to lie. And I was like, what is that? What's that energy about? And then it doesn't even matter what it's about or where it originated or why I started doing it or when I started doing it. That just seeks you on a whole new quest. And the quest is simply to stop doing it. And so I didn't seek the why or the how or when did I first start doing it? None of that matters. The point is that it's a it's it's bubbling up right now in my consciousness. I'm noticing it, I'm feeling the energy of it. What choice am I going to make in this moment? And every time I choose to make a different choice than I would have made through reaction, through letting the wild ego horse run wild and do what it wants to do, take me on a ride that I'm gonna later feel super shitty about. It's like easing up and erasing those experiences that we cause ourselves to judge ourselves, which creates unforgiveness. And we put ourselves in these own loops when we're not in our own integrity. And this awareness is one of the gifts that I've gotten from grieving awake. And it's I'm not unusual, I'm not unique. It's available to everybody, this level of conscious awareness of what's happening inside of our own self.

Simple Practices For Present Awareness

Joya 19:29

And so I'm gonna share a couple of ways to do that, to establish present moment awareness without having to meditate for two hours every single day, because most people aren't going to do that, even though I do and I love to. But that's just the point that I've gotten to through my work with meditation. One thing you can do is instead of picking up your phone when you get to a red light, notice. Play this little 5-4-3-2-1 game. Five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can notice through touch or feel, two things you can smell, and then notice the thing you taste in your mouth. It's a great way to bring your senses present. Another way to bring yourself present is to bring your awareness into your feet or your hands. We are walking on our feet all day long and we don't really notice them unless they hurt. And we use our hands all day long and we don't really notice them unless they hurt. And so stopping and just paying attention, even right now, hold your hands open with your palms up and notice the sensations that you feel in your fingers or in the palm of your hand. If you feel tingling or if you feel warmth, and take a deep breath. Actually, let's take three deep breaths in through the nose. Out through the mouth. Still feeling your hands. Take another deep breath. And now let's feel our breath on our hands. Let's take a breath in through the nose. Breathe into your palms. Notice what you're noticing. And then ask what else you can notice that you weren't noticing before. And for those of us who are disconnected from our bodies, as I was, I'm not anymore. I'm very much in my body now. But when you first be Begin to feel, and grief, of course, is going to hurl you into the body, into the felt sense, when you may not have been feeling the full spectrum of life before. And so just feeling how you feel, acknowledging it, breathing through it, crying when the tears arise, stopping when they naturally stop, and just learning to be very present, intend, and befriend what's here. And when the feelings feel overwhelming, you can name them to tame them and do it out loud. Because oftentimes when the thing just bubbles up into our head and our mind takes over, the story in our mind sounds so much worse when it's inside of us than it does when we say it out loud to somebody else. In fact, when I say it out loud to somebody else, I can often hear how absurd what I've been thinking actually is. So verbalizing it, naming it to tame it. Anxiety is here. Grief is here. Joy is here. Peace is here. Contentment is here. It's important to notice the pleasant sensations inside of ourselves as well. So those are a couple of very simple practices that you can do anytime, anywhere, without having to sit in a deep meditation practice to bring you into present moment awareness. Just what's here right now. And then releasing the resistance, which releases the suffering.

Book Launch Invitation And Closing

Joya 23:40

My book, Grieving Awake, comes out on Friday. I'm doing an Amazon bestseller campaign. So I would appreciate it if you would mark your calendars and purchase it on that day. It's such a humbling, I don't even know the words, this feeling of doing this work. I don't have the words for it because it's more of a felt sense I feel inside of my body that just feels like tremendous humility and grace. Know how loved you are, and know that you can love and tame all the most wild, unwanted, unloved, resisted parts of yourself. And when we befriend ourselves, when we befriend our ego, when the mask falls away and you no longer have anything to protect or to pretend about, then you get to just show up in your complete authenticity, releasing that fear of judgment that I mentioned at the beginning that I had so intensely. The fear of judgment. But the worst judgment of all is the judgment we bring to ourselves. So let us all stop doing the things that cause us to judge ourselves and instead sit in the anxiety of not doing the thing, but then also feeling how good you'll feel when you live in your integrity. I invite you to visit joyasasnowski.com and discover what your sacred sensitivities are, those deep gifts and abilities that are locked within you, buried within you, that activate your greatest gift from God, which is your divine intelligence. Again, that's Joya Sosnowski, S-O-S-N-O-W-S-K-I.com to discover what your sacred sensitivities are. And as always, take good care of yourself this week. Be so kind to you. That's where everything starts. See you next week. Bye.